18/3/22

Value of the Month - ‘We Listen’

Have you ever been talking to someone who is distracted? How does it feel?  Or maybe you have been at an event when people are talking to each other in small groups or one to one, and you are talking to someone when you realise they are not looking at you and have noticed someone more interesting to talk to. How was that?  And have you ever been distracted and as a result missed the very clear instructions that everyone else seemed to hear. So you end up copying what everyone is doing, or whispering to a friend; ‘What did the teacher just say?’  All these are a reminder of our value this month: ‘we listen’

We like to be listened to and its important for us that we listen to others.  Listening is different from hearing.

You can hear what someone has to say: listening means we pay attention to the words and understand what is being said.

Being a good listener means:

¨ You give someone your attention. Don’t gaze into their eyes, but every now and again look into their eyes as a sign that you are listening.

¨ You ask questions if you don’t understand. They may be using a word you don’t know or a way of speaking that might have two meanings.

¨ You repeat back what someone has said, when necessary.

¨ In conflict situations it’s good to see if the two people who disagree can listen well enough to be able to state what the opponent thinks. Sometimes when we understand where they are coming from it doesn’t feel so bad.

¨ You listen to not just the words. Words are actually just a small part of communication. What’s called body language and tone of voice are also important. Body language is what your stance and posture and movement says about us, and includes our facial expressions. Sometimes the person doesn’t need to say a word, you know what they feel! Tone of voice also matters because it gives away what we are feeling along with the words.

So how do you become a better listener?

Give people time. You can’t listen well if you aren’t prepared to give someone your full attention. You are better off having a conversation another time, than doing it badly

Be curious. You are going to be a better listener if you decide you are really interested. People are fascinating, and especially when they are different from us, so in any conversation see if you can learn something new.

Ask good questions. It can be hard to listen to someone who likes the sound of their own voice and doesn’t really say very much. When you ask questions you can direct them to topics that interest you both, and who knows you might make a friend in the process!

So let’s listen well, it may mean we need to live life a little bit slower, as we give each other time. But in the long run we will all be better understood, and closer to one another. And that makes the extra time well worth it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      NP

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